I just had to share this amazing Christmas Cake recipe that I am going to try this year -- just in time to celebrate my first Christmas!

Ingredients:

2 cups flour
1 stick butter
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking  soda
1 cup of  sugar
1 tsp  salt
1 cup of  brown sugar
Lemon juice
4  large eggs
Nuts
2  bottles wine
2  cups of dried fruit

Sample the wine to  check quality. Take a large bowl, check the wine again. To be sure  it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.  Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy  bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best  to make sure the wine is still OK. Try another cup... Just in case.  Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit up off floor. Mix on the turner.. If the fried druit gets  stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample  the wine to check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Check the wine. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or some fink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the wine and wipe counter with the cat. Go to Tesco and buy cake.